182: They're no Linkin Park.
ability to perpetuate 'get rich quick schemes'
and such, morons are selling crap to make money.
Not only that, but it proves that no matter someone's
intelligence it is possible to make money by doing
something with no actual skill or merit in any
way whatsoever. A good example of this in the
music world is Blink 182. Never has the molestation
of instruments sounded so awful, but to the crowd
of wannabe skater-punk 13 year olds (and younger)
it sounds great to their developing ears. Or maybe
they don't have the maturity to accept swear words
in a song and accept it. "Tee-hee, the funny
man in the song is swearing. When I grow up I
want to be just like him." Of course that
swearing one day turns to cocaine and one person
is left laughing at the others. Me.
From that little diversion, my
attention (and by extention your attention, because
you're reading this) turns to Mary Anderson from
Hobart, Indiana. Her 6 year old son Collin had
been so terrified of his Grandfather's ghost(TM)
that he was afraid "the ghost would return
someday. Anderson said Collin has avoided going
anywhere in the house alone since his grandfather
died last year" (from CNN.com - and I'm not
lying). To combat this case of 'small children
doing moronic things and getting sympathy' Mary
decided to put the ghost and the Grandfather's
metal walking cane up on Ebay. The cane was also
auctioned so that the highest bidder would have
a tangible artifact to show how gullible they
"I always thought it was
just normal kid fears until a few months ago he
told me why he was so scared. He told me 'Grandpa
died here, and he was mean. His ghost is still
Mary believes Collin about the
fact that the old man was a big meanie, however
to try and not scare away potential bidders, she
said "My dad was the sweetest most caring
man you'd ever meet." Me smells the sickly
scent of false advertising. However, that's a
There was one last request of
the winner bidder. "I would like to ask you
to write a letter after you've received the cane
(and the ghost) to my son letting him know that
he's there with you and you're getting along great."
I believe though, that this will make Collin feel
like even more of a reject. His own grandfather's
ghost is happier with a complete stranger than
That's real uplifting.
rendition of Collin.
"...the proceeds from the
auction will go to buy Collin a special present"
is the official word from Mary Anderson. After
the cane and ghost sold for $78 after 34 bids,
Collin will get quite a gift. I just hope it's
a $78 slap upside the head, because that's basically
all he deserves. The real losers here are the
winning bidder and Collin's grandfather. The winning
bidder has effectively been scammed out of $78
buckaroos and of course the grandfather. When
the memory of all you worked for and all you have
left to be remembered by is worth $78, it's one
of those "He'd be spinning in his grave"
So if you're driving through Hobart,
Indiana and there's a large whirlpool in one of
the cemetaries, you know why.
Moving to another Ebay related showing of stupidity,
we move to the man who sold a piece of breakfast
cereal that barely resembled the lovable alien
from ET, for $1,035 australian (about $805US)
Chris Doyle, the fool (who is
now richer than I am) that actually thought it
could make money said, "I just didn't think
it would go this far" and also went onto
say, "I was just trying to find someone who
feels the same way about ET as they do about the
Putting religion and breakfast
cereals in the same sentence. That's sure showing
The natural progression from here is of course
the 'Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich' which
sold for $28,000US.
After grilling up herself a snack Diana Duyser
took one bite and realised that somehow in a piece
of white bread (white bread also being a metaphor
for her life), covered in cheese, she had witnessed
Cooked 10 years ago, it was quickly
put in a clear plastic box, surrounded by cotton
balls and sat proudly on her nightstand.
Firstly, it doesn't look like
the Virgin Mary. The Virgin Mary is after all,
an artist's conception. No one did a portrait
of her when she existed (if she existed at all,
but that can be discussed around the dinner table).
However even so, that face staring back up at
me from the grilled cheese does not look like
the Virgin Mary. Is Diana Duyser a moron? Most
paid what lots of people earn in ONE YEAR
for a sandwich. That's something to show off
to the neighbours: "This is the stupidest
thing I've ever done embodied in sandwich
The first time the sandwich was
placed on Ebay, it fetched $22,000US before Ebay
officials removed the listing. It was given the
green light to be relisted, but this new listing
is filled with obvious spelling errors (sort of
like this article). The reason I find this to
prove that Mrs. Duyler is a dumbass, is that if
you know that something you are about to write
is to be seen by thousands (especially in the
case of this ebay listing), it should be free
of obvious spelling errors. After all, it wouldn't
kill her to give her listing a quick proof-read.
Yet, with the probable knowledge
that this new listing would again be successful,
Diana Duyler mentioned things like, "disingration",
"potiental", "potinetal" (spelling
the same word wrong, differently two times backs
my case nicely), "phenomon" and "ridiclous"
among others that aren't so obvious.
Generally stupid people will
believe anything that gives their dull little
lives any glitter. She even believes that the
sandwich has helped her in gambling. "...a
miracle, people ask me if I have had blessings
since she has been in my home, I do feel I have,
I have won $70,000 (total) on different occasions
at the casino near by my house, I can show the
recipts to the high bidder if they are interested..."
(from the Ebay listing - I also believe that there
is an 'e' in receipts)
The casino is near her house.
A poorly educated person looking to make a quick
buck would frequently visit a casino. To win $70,000
from constant gambling in a 10 year period isn't
that great. Sure, she may have had a little luck,
but if God was involved, she should have won millions.
Just to prove that everyone involved
in the selling and buying of this item is stupid,
I leave you with this. "I would like all
bidders to know that this item is not intended
for consumption, it is intended for collectable
purposes only" I'm sure many people are glad
that they didn't bid $28,000 for a 10 year old,
grilled cheese sandwich so that they could eat
it while watching re-runs of Friends.
I am often annoyed when people who do not possess
a great deal of talent or skill become more successful
in a particular field that someone who does possess
that talent. "You're wearing the right clothes
and have a snappy haircut. Sure, you can't act,
but we'll cast you in a silly show aimed at people
in the 18-25 age bracket and you'll be a star!"
"You play bass as well as I clean toilets
Mr. Hoppus. How about playing with those Blink
182 guys and make millions by only playing 3 notes.
I hear 13 years olds love only 3 notes" Despite
this, at least those hacks are out there performing
(feebly). But someone who finds a piece of breakfast
cereal or thinks that they can sell a ghost over
the internet are much, much worse.
Making money without talent is
one thing, making money when you've got nothing
to offer (except crap) is almost a crime.